You’re Not Stuck—You’ve Hit Your Money Ceiling

The invisible limit that’s controlling how much money you raise.

Have you ever had a stretch in your fundraising where things feel easy—momentum is building, conversations are flowing—and then suddenly, it’s like you hit a wall?

Same effort. Same strategy. Completely different results.

What if you’re not stuck… you’ve just hit your money ceiling?

In this episode, Erin McQuade-Wright explores the concept of a “money ceiling”—the internal limit your system believes is safe when it comes to raising money, visibility, and success. When you push beyond that limit, your nervous system doesn’t celebrate—it often pulls you back.

That can look like overthinking, avoidance, under-asking, or losing momentum right after a breakthrough.

From the outside, it looks like inconsistency.
 From the inside, it’s self-protection.

You’ll learn how to recognize when you’ve hit your ceiling, what your system is actually trying to protect you from, and how to expand your capacity for more—without pushing harder or burning out.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

•  Why fundraising results often plateau (even with the right strategy) 
•  How your “money ceiling” quietly shapes your behavior and outcomes 
•  The signs you’re hitting your upper limit in real time 
•  Why success can feel just as unsafe as failure 
•  How to expand what feels safe so you can sustain higher levels of fundraising 

A question to sit with:

What would be possible if more success actually felt safe?

Ready to go deeper?

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Transcript

Erin McQuade-Wright 0:02

Welcome to The Brave and Balanced Fundraiser, the podcast I wish I'd had during my 15 years as a professional fundraiser. I'm your host, Erin McQuade Wright. This is your space to breathe, realign, and reconnect with the part of you that chose this work for a reason. Together, we'll explore tools and practices that help you show up less stressed and spread thin and more grounded, brave, and on purpose. I'm so glad you're here. Let's get started. Have you ever had a stretch in your fundraising where it just feels easy and things are flowing, and then suddenly, whoa, it's like you've hit a wall? You're putting in the same effort, doing the same strategy, but you're getting completely different results. That's what today's episode is about. What if you're not stuck? You've just hit your money ceiling. In this episode, I'm gonna show you why that happens and how to start expanding what feels safe in your body, in your nervous system, so you can actually sustain higher levels of fundraising success. So let's get into it. Do you remember the old thermostats that you could use to set the temperature in your home? It was just like, I remember it was in my home, it was like this amber colored circle on the wall, and it had a face just kind of like a clock, but it didn't tell the time. It told, you know, the different temperature levels, and you could turn this little clear plastic dial on the front, and it would have an arrow that would point to the corresponding temperature. It was analog temperature control, and that's all I knew growing up. And when I first owned my first home, it was that way as well, and we made the switch to get our HVAC. It died a grisly death, and it was time to get that updated, and suddenly I had this digital thermometer that would allow me to set the upper limit that I didn't want my house to get past in terms of heat and the lower limit in terms of cooling. I don't want it to get cooler than this number, and I could set those parameters and know that my house temperature would stay in between that upper limit and that lower limit. And that's actually a metaphor for what we're talking about today, which is a money ceiling. And this work comes from Gay Hendricks, who wrote The Big Leap, and if you haven't read it, I want to recommend it to you. The idea is that we have, just like the thermostat I mentioned, we have these invisible upper and lower limits in terms of how good it can be in our life. And for example, the upper limit for how much money I think I can make, I'll be going along, doo-doo-doo, in my career, earning money below that upper limit. But the minute I get above that upper limit, it just feels wrong to me for some reason. And if I'm not aware that I had an unconscious upper limit there, I'm going to do something very normal, very human, and very regrettable, actually, which is I'm going to sabotage myself to pop down below that upper limit. So it's a thing that happens when we're feeling a little too good. Maybe we start to get this feeling that the other shoe's about to drop. This is going all too well. I don't trust it, right? So I wanna apply this to fundraising. So you might have a range in mind of the money that you can raise, the amount of visibility you can have, the amount of success you can have, the amount of responsibility you can have, and your system has a thermostat for success. And what we're looking at today is the pattern of when I go above that thermostat set- thermostat setting, I'm gonna knock myself back down into the range that feels within my limit because that's what my comfort zone is. So you might have a great donor meeting with someone, and then suddenly you're in a pattern of avoidance the next day. You're not calling them. You're not doing the next step. It's almost like you're having such an internal exhale from having scaled that mountain of a great donor meeting that you might feel like you need to reset a little bit. Like, "Oof, I just need to come down from that before taking action." And that can lead to a pattern of avoidance and not, not doing the thing that's actually gonna move the needle for you. Or maybe you have a big gift and then weeks of low activity, or maybe you have momentum and then overthinking or procrastination. I remember one time I had I was working as an intern. This was my first fundraising job, and I came in in event prep mode because the organization had the opportunity to throw a big event, and that was the only thing that was happening at the time I came in. So my internship was about getting ready for this event, and I grabbed a clipboard, and I had questions. I had a notepad and I was on it. I felt very in command of the details of this event. And then something strange happened. My boss said... The event had just happened. She said, "Great job. Well done. I'm gonna go on vacation," 'cause it was... Before I showed up, it was just her doing all the work. "And when I get back, we'll go over next steps." So she left, and I was there sort of grappling with what comes next, and I noticed that the loudest thing that I was contending with in my awareness was a need to exhale. That event was such a big lift. We had an international well-known star as our host, and a lot of people came out. It was our first... their first introduction to our organization, uh, for a lot of those people. We had local brands sponsoring, right? It was a lot going on. There were a lot of balls up in the air, and when that event was done, there was a weeks-long exhale that I was taking part in fully. And I did go to work, and I did do, um, what I would call a downhill task. I did a board report that was all jumbled up and needed some organization, and for me, that was a really regulating tool because I wasn't peopling, I wasn't having to go see venues and, and count, you know, pledges or anything like that. I was just able to do a downhill task that involved organization. It turned on a different part of my brain, and I found it really helpful in the comedown from that big event. And when my boss got back, I was really excited to show it to her 'cause it was much more comprehensive. I thought it was a big upgrade from what we had, and I showed it to her, and she was furious. "What are you doing?" she said. "Why is this what you chose to do while I was away? Don't you know there are so many people to thank? Don't you know there are so many receipts to give for sponsorships? Don't you know all of these things that..." I didn't know. I was an intern, and I simply did not know what the things were that needed to be done, and unfortunately, she didn't leave me with a list of tasks that she would like to see get done on her vacation. So I did the best I knew how, and I was also managing my nervous system, although I didn't have the language for it then. But that's an example of the big lead-up to something and then a period of inactivity after that felt really helpful to me in bringing me back to balance but- It was not what my boss was expecting of me, and that was a big surprise to me and a big surprise to her. So if I had it to do over again, of course I'd do it differently because I know more now than I knew as an intern. But that wasn't on my plate then. I didn't have the knowledge that I have now. So unfortunately, I was quite disappointing to my colleague at that point. But you'll know when you've hit your particular ceiling, when you feel suddenly overwhelmed, when you're tired out of nowhere. You had a good night's sleep, but all of a sudden, you... it's like somebody has hit the power down switch on you. Where you feel doubt creeping in, and you start doing busy work instead of asks, right? Just like I described in my story. You're avoiding follow-ups, you're over-preparing instead of acting, getting ready to get ready. Or you tell yourself, "I n- I just need to think this through more. I need some more time to hone this thought," or, "It's not the right time right now." And you know what? That's not a strategy problem. All of this is your system trying to regulate you back to what feels safe. So that moment where you might otherwise have been breaking past your upper limit to a new level of success, a new level of fundraising, you are slipping back because your system is saying, "Hold on. This doesn't feel safe." So what is your system actually trying to tell you about safety and identity? Is it safe to raise more money than I ever have? Ooh, that sounds kinda, kinda exciting, but also a little bit scary. Is it safe to be more visible? Is it safe to be responsible for bigger outcomes? And if you've been in the field of fundraising, or even for those who are listening who aren't fundraisers, this is a very real thing. I have asked myself these very same questions. What's gonna be the consequence if I raise more money? And I saw it happen, that I did a really leaned-in push one year due to an emergency loss in funding, and guess what? I was able to push past my upper limit of what my goal would have been so that the organization could be in a more stable position, and that result Was my new limit, my new lower limit. It was my new floor. Okay, this is how much money can be raised in a year. And from an organizational standpoint, I get it. Why would we lower the fundraiser's goal if the fundraiser showed that they could raise more? Let's keep that as our benchmark. I get it, but I wasn't able to accurately convey how much that cost me as a human to push through like that. So when my system is asking, "Is it safe to mo- raise more money?" It's like, what am I signing myself up for? Is this gonna be the new normal? Am I gonna have to push like this every day, always? Well, I'm gonna burn out. That's a factor. What's gonna happen if I... Is it safe to be more visible, right? That's a, that's another question. I observed nasty comments coming my way when I started to be more successful because other people found that threatening. You know? That's a, that's a thing. I wish that hadn't happened. I wish I could say that wasn't in my experience, and I hope you haven't had to deal with this, but yeah. "Oh, you think you're so great." Yeah, that kind of commentary h- I've had that kind of thrown at me before. And so the fear is, like, am I gonna jeopardize my relationships by shining a little brighter here? What's it gonna cost me? And of course, there's fear underneath all of those questions. What if I can't sustain it? What if I'm exposed to criticism and judgment? What if people expect more from me perpetually? And what if I outgrow people? What if they outgrow me? So success can feel just as threatening to your nervous system as failure, and people don't talk about this enough. You know, we all think this sort of blanket idea, "I wanna be successful," and yes, it's true, but when we peel back the layers of that and get more granular about what that actually means, there are often fears lurking underneath the surface about what I'm gonna have to give up in order to have more success. So that can be tied directly to how we relate to money and how this shows up specifically in fundraising. You almost make the ask, but you delay it- Where you under ask. You say, "I'll start small. Let me ask them to just make a gift to our annual benefit rather than becoming a significant partner in our work this year." Where you don't follow up after a strong meeting, and you're like, "Why am I not following up? That meeting was so great." Where you keep your portfolio manageable instead of expansive because you picture yourself looking at an expansive portfolio and you think, "Oh my gosh, my head's gonna crack open. I'm gonna be so overwhelmed. Let me keep it small. Let me rest on no. Let me rest on this cautious posture of I'm not sure we can do that." Right? There is a safety question under all of that. But from the outside, it looks like inconsistency. It looks like, mm, can I really count on her? Is my fundraiser really leaning in to the work? Can I count on them to do what needs to be done? Or are they a little bit wishy-washy? But from the inside, that is straight up self-protection. So there's a real cost to staying at or below your money ceiling. You might plateau financially. You plateau in terms of what you're raising for your organization, what you're making for you and your family. You might reinforce the belief that this is just how it is, this is, this is comfortable, this is home, this is all I'm ever gonna be able to make or raise. And you might stay in the cycle that Gay Hendricks talks about in his book, The Big Leap, of taking that step, finding out, oh gosh, this is, this is uncomfortable. It's too good. I'm hitting that upper limit. You self-sabotage. You return to your comfort zone, and then wonder why you're not making more progress. So this right here is why, part of why fundraisers feel stuck and burnt out and ineffective over time. There's a reluctance to do more because we think it means push harder, and it doesn't need to mean push harder. What I'm suggesting is actually the opposite. I'm, I'm suggesting- That this is all a safety issue, and if we don't feel safe, we're not gonna take action. But the good news is we are responsible for our own safety. We create that, and that's a muscle you can build. So I used to be, like s- almo- like just resting on afraid. Resting on afraid. Scaredy cat. Because that's what felt normal to me, and I remember wringing my hands before going out to an event, my event, another organization's event, it didn't matter. Ugh, I felt so sick to my stomach. Oh, maybe we don't have to go. Ugh, I'm gonna hate this. I'm g- gonna hate walking around in heels, or I'm gonna hate walking in heels on grass, or I'm gonna hate making small talk with people. I feel like when I'm talking with them, they don't wanna talk to me, like it... They're just sort of, like, being fake. And then, oh, am I being fake? And so it was, like, almost this meta commentary that would happen inside my head during these events about these events. What are we even doing here? Events are a big waste of time. That was a strong belief that I had. Events are not worth it. They cost more than they bring in. This is a, this is a misuse of money. So how do you think I'm gonna be successful in an event like that with that commentary running through my head? The weight of it, oh my gosh, so heavy. It's like this big clanging cymbal that's happening in my ear while someone is trying to talk to me. How am I going to hold presence with them? The answer is I'm not. I'm gonna pull back, and I'm going to do as little as possible because I feel overwhelmed. So I want you to notice this pattern within you. Where is it that you are consistently pulling back, and what feels unsafe to you? And I want you to be honest about this. Is it visibility? You're getting too visible, and so you're pulling back, making yourself the one who does the work in the background. Are you feeling unsafe about rejection? Or maybe you have a fear of success, that people would look at you differently, that people would want things from you if you were more successful than you are right now. Really good to notice. No judgment But it's so helpful to see, oh, this is a pattern. 'Cause when we don't see that there's a pattern taking place, we can just believe, "Oh, that's me. That's who I am. I'm a socially awkward person. I'm a person who raises a middle amount of money. I'm a person who doesn't do too much, and doesn't do too little, right there in the middle." But then I also have a frustration about why I'm not s- more successful, right? That's a pattern. And the first thing we wanna do is regulate. We wanna come back to the body. Your brain will not save you here. It won't. It's just gonna lead you deeper into a rabbit hole about thinking about thinking about the problem. Projecting what other people are thinking about you or saying about you behind your back. That's the kind of stuff that keeps you up at 3:00 in the morning, thinking, thinking, thinking, and perseverating about all the things that are going wrong. So come back into your body, and in that moment Look, that's been me plenty of times in bed in the middle of the night. The best advice I have for you is get up. Get up. Not so you can stay up, but get out of the bed. Go sit down in another room. Feel your body in the chair or on the floor. Feel the surface below you holding you. Slow your breathing down. Notice where there's constriction in your body, maybe your belly, or your chest, or your throat, and just see if you can give it even 1% more relaxation. And from that place, it takes about 90 seconds for your body to come back into balance. And I wonder what that action is that you've been holding off on taking. Maybe it's something slightly bigger than usual. Not something extreme, maybe just beyond your current normal. What's a little stretch that you could do? And that might be, like, asking for more than you usually would. It might be following up- Right after the thing happens, right after that good donor conversation, a day after the event, right? Take yourself a day, but then come back to it. Reach out to someone you've been holding back from because I promise you that pattern of avoidance that feels so good in the moment, I'm not doing that work right now, I'm not thinking about my event right now, ah. That pattern that feels so good in the moment is actually robbing from your future success because it is tipping into self-sabotage. You're making it harder for the next day's version of you to take that action and to experience the success of, "I did it." So you don't expand your ceiling by thinking differently. You expand it by experiencing safety at a new level of action. And if that level of action feels unsafe, don't avoid it, but create safety in your body before taking action, doing just what I described by sitting, feeling the surface below you, slowing your breathing down, and then coming back to that action. So you're not stuck, you're not broken, and you don't need a completely new strategy. If you're in this situation that I've described in this episode, you're just reaching the edge of what currently feels safe. You're reaching that upper limit, and that means the opportunity to self-sabotage is near. Don't do that. Don't do that again. Your next level of fundraising isn't on the other side of more effort. It's on the other side of expanding what you're willing to hold. So here are your takeaways from this episode. Number one, you don't raise more money based on strategy. You raise it based on what feels safe. Number two, sudden stalls or inconsistency are often signs that you've hit your ceiling. Number three, your system will pull you back to familiar levels unless you expand it intentionally. Number four, success can feel unsafe, and that's normal. Number five, small regulated actions are how you expand your capacity for more, and you hold the remote control to your own sense of safety, and that's the best news of all.

28:09

Thanks for listening, and until next time, take good care.