Transcend Fundraising Guilt Like a Rockstar

Trading guilt for curiosity so you can fundraise with more ease, energy, and self-trust.

That nagging voice that says you should be doing more? Most fundraisers know it well. In this episode, Erin unpacks fundraising guilt—the kind that shows up at 3 a.m. with a running list of everything you didn’t do—and why using guilt as your main motivator quietly drains your energy, creativity, and joy.

Instead of beating yourself up for “not enough,” you’ll explore what happens when you switch from guilt to curiosity and start treating your body’s signals as feedback, not failure.

In this episode, you’ll hear:

• Why almost every fundraiser feels like they could be doing more—and why it’s not just you
• How guilt masquerades as “motivation” but actually leads to exhaustion and paralysis
• How to use your body’s signals (tight chest, sleeplessness, dread) as information, not indictment
• Simple ways to practice curiosity in real time—especially before meetings and big tasks

Journal prompt:
Where does guilt show up most in your fundraising—and what might shift if you experimented with curiosity instead?

Book your 1:1 Brave and Balanced Breakthrough Coaching Session here: https://calendly.com/vitalistcoaching/brave-balanced-breakthrough

✨ Stay Connected & Continue Your Fundraising Growth

Listen to all episodes + subscribe:
https://thebraveandbalancedfundraiser.buzzsprout.com

Join the community:
The Brave & Balanced Fundraiser Facebook Group
👉 https://www.facebook.com/groups/braveandbalancedfundraiser

Book a Brave & Balanced Breakthrough Call:
A personalized 1:1 session to support your inner clarity and fundraising wellbeing.
👉 https://calendly.com/vitalistcoaching/brave-balanced-breakthrough

Learn more about Erin’s coaching & nervous-system based support:
VitalistCoaching.com

Connect on Instagram:
@erinmcquadewright

Transcript

Speaker 1:33

Welcome to the Brave and Balanced Fundraiser, the podcast I wish I'd had during my 15 years as a professional fundraiser. I'm your host, Erin McQuaid Wright. This is your space to breathe, realign, and reconnect with a part of you that chose this work for a reason. Together we'll explore tools and practices that help you show up less stressed and spread thin and more grounded, brave, and on purpose. I'm so glad you're here. Let's get started.

Erin McQuade-Wright 2:10

Today we're diving into something very real. You know that sneaky little voice that whispers you could be doing more, you should be doing more. And by the way, why aren't you doing everything all at once? Yeah, our old friend guilt. The unofficial coworker, nobody hired, but somehow shows up to every staff meeting with a spreadsheet of everything you didn't get done. If you've ever sat at your desk or in your bed in the middle of the night thinking,"I raised this money but I didn't raise that money. And also the annual fund is crying in a corner..." then this episode is for you. We're going to talk about where that pressure comes from, how universal it is, and why using guilt as your main motivational tool is kind of like trying to drive a car by yelling at it. It's technically possible, but not very effective. And then, because we're fundraisers, and we deserve gentleness, we're going to explore what happens when we switch from guilt to curiosity, and how that tiny shift can literally change your whole day. So grab your coffee or your herbal tea or whatever's getting you through this week, and let's get into it. I once was having a conversation with a fundraising consultant. This is a person who made his money by helping organizations raise money for their causes, multiple organizations. He had multiple people working on his team, and his job was to find out if there was a synergy between missions and if that was a mission, if ours was the mission he wanted to support. And I told him about the job that I was doing and how there was more work than I could get done in a day. I was the only fundraising person on staff, and I shared with him, you know, I am proud of what I've been able to raise, but I gotta say I have this haunting suspicion all the time. That I could be raising more, that I could be doing more. And even when money comes in that I've been, that I worked hard for, you know, maybe I wrote a grant or I made an ask or whatever it was, and it came in the door. I still had this feeling that I did that, but I didn't do this. And look at that. Look, the annual fund is suffering while I'm over here doing this, or the capital campaign is suffering while I'm over here. You know, solving a staff issue. And I thought his reply was very telling. He said to me, Aaron, I don't know a single fundraiser who doesn't feel like they could be doing more. And I took that in and I was surprised. First of all, it wasn't just me. He was like, no, that's everybody. We see the need. We want to help. We tend to be attracted to this field of philanthropy because we wanna do something of consequence. We wanna be helpers. We wanna impact the world in a positive way, and. It really hurts when we feel like we can't meet the expectations or there's even more that could be done. Did you ever feel this way? Are you feeling this way right now? What I came to understand as I unpacked this for myself later on is that I was using the feeling of guilt. To kinda light a fire under my own butt to keep me moving forward. I was using guilt as a catalyst to get things done. And if this is a pattern that you have in your life, I want you to ask a really serious question of yourself and be very honest. Is it working to use? Guilt as a cudgel to beat yourself, to do better, to do more. Is it working? Because here's the thing, I'm for what works. So if it's working and you like it, go for it. But for me, it was not working. It was causing more harm than it was helping. And how did I know? Well, I was losing sleep. I was actually feeling demotivated by all that. There was to do. I was feeling more drained, less enthusiastic and optimistic, and that my friends is just evidence. Life is giving you evidence of your choices and their effects. And there are a couple things you can do with that. One, you can beat yourself up for the choices you've been making. You can feel shame and guilt and say, Ugh, I wanna do this, but I'm doing that. I should show up differently. Oh, I'll never get it right. Or you can say, ah, here's the fruit of this tree when I use guilt. To keep myself moving forward. The fruit is I lose energy. I feel less enthusiastic and optimistic. I lose sleep. Let me see if I wanna keep going with this strategy,'cause I'm reviewing the fruit right now and it's not great. And the truth is you can always make a change. If what is moving you forward is guilt and it's actually not working anymore, it's getting you stuck, then it might be time to reach for a different tool. And I wonder if there was a time in your life where you felt curiosity instead of guilt. You know, when we're little kids, we let curiosity lead the way. We pick something up and we look at it with our eyes. We assess it by putting it in our mouth.'cause that's how really little ones underst understand the world. We get curious and we follow that curiosity and chances are. When we're in curiosity, we're gonna have more energy, we're gonna have more enthusiasm, we're gonna have more lightness with how we move about the world. And so the question is, what are you curious about? And sometimes when we haven't been curious in a while, it feels like there's nothing. There's nothing that I can be curious about. All I feel is anxiety or all I feel is stress or overwhelm. Okay. What would it feel like if you were playing a curious person in a play or in a movie? What might you do? You might. Look around the room you're in, rather than just sort of throwing your body into the room and throwing your body into the chair, throwing your body toward the bathroom. When it's time to go in that direction, you might stop and look around. Oh, what is that? It's that a bird on that tree. I wonder what kind it is. You might ask a question of someone who's near you. Why is it that you like that? I'm curious that that food that you're eating or that pen that you're using, what is it about it that you're, that draws you to it? And by asking questions and taking a moment to look around these, tell the brain that it's okay to be curious, that it's safe to be curious, and help the nervous system. Switch off of that go, go, go mode and into, Hmm, I wonder what's here. So if that feels like a tool that you can use today to switch from guilt as a motivator to curiosity as a motivator, I wanna invite you to do that. Notice three things that you see before you. Speak in a meeting. Notice the feeling of your feet on the ground. Ask someone a question and start to play with this idea of, what can I be curious about in this moment? And by doing that, you're giving yourself a gift. You're quieting the alarm for the moment that says everything is wrong. You have to go. You're not doing enough. You're not raising enough. That alarm is trying to be helpful, but it's really not doing anything effective. And by giving yourself just a little bit of space and taking a breath or two, it's often easier to come back to the task at hand with a little more balance, and that's my invitation to you today. Before we wrap up, here are a few things I want you to carry with you from today's conversation. First, you're not alone. Every fundraiser I've ever met wrestles with the feeling that they could be doing more, and there's nothing wrong with you for feeling that way. Second, guilt might be the tool you've been using to keep yourself moving, but it comes at a cost if the fruit of that strategy is exhaustion, sleeplessness, or losing your spark. That's just information. Third, your body is always giving you evidence. Drained energy, anxiety, or feeling overwhelmed are not personal flaws. They're feedback about what is and isn't working for you. Fourth, you always have another option, curiosity. Curiosity brings energy, presence, lightness. It gently interrupts the guilt cycle and brings you back home to yourself. And finally, those tiny moments of curiosity are powerful. Noticing three things in the room, feeling your feet on the ground, asking one genuine question. All of this tells your nervous system that it is safe to pause, safe to breathe, and safe to come back into balance. If this episode resonated with you, consider sharing it with a fellow fundraiser who might need this reminder today. And if you want deeper support, you can always connect with me inside the brave and balanced fundraiser community on Facebook. Just search for the brave and Balanced fundraiser. See you next time.